All her life she felt like The Child Left Behind with her shiny and pressed school dress
Everyone she knew from family to friends thought her sweet, loving, never apt to unkindness
But what most did not realize was that she was bound, shackled to this image
An image that brings to mind The Police’s “So Lonely” constantly showing in her visage
She made it her mission, her goal, her life’s work of Tossing the Chains that bound her
Throughout her life, she’d look at herself in The Mirror and ask “Why?”
All her life as she grew, she felt she knew little, saw little, felt little for her true purpose
A purpose that was as elusive as the solutions to the roller coasters she rode daily
Labels defined who she was: four-eyes, fat, intelligent, “just like her mother,” a ghastly burden
And as the roller coaster of emotions went on and on, she was Locked in the Darkness and called “crazy”
But it was disguised as the reverence for a god she failed to understand – distant memories now hazy
All her life as she grew older still, while still stumbling around Locked in the Darkness
She never knew that all around her there were those who saw past the labels and false images
The first was the god she failed to understand; she, an unworthy servant; the god? Heartless
Another was the one who called her “priceless” that she thought meant “Worthless”
But looking at the reflections of self, all she saw was darkness, shame and the labels of the past
All her life, she had a voice but that voice was constantly silenced by many
A narcissistic martyrizing mother with OCD and bulimia; another, the narcissistic man she married
Him…the one with whom she signed a contract with in marriage to forever remain silent
Her body, mind, heart, soul and even her voice all were stashed away and buried
Instead of being proudly self-reliant; she changed into a sobbing, dependent, ball of flesh totally silent to this tyrant
She had long forgotten she bore light a-plenty
All her life she gave of her entire being: her heart, her mind, her body and her soul
Somehow she was broken but never defeated; she knew that strength came from never giving up
That god named “Heartless” began to show his true self and showed her the true goal
The journey from the hell of darkness had started; “Heartless” showed to her an invisible sun
All her life during that Journey from the darkness; her emotions rolled constantly
“Heartless” became known as “Higher Power,” her invisible sun to overcome the darkness
The pain of the darkness numbed with alcohol, food, relationships, all of which abundantly
Then the alcohol was taken away, then her Higher Power guided her through her catharsis
All her life, the emotions, and the mind were constant demons that had to be overcome
Her Higher Power guided her in her Journey through the darkness to her invisible sun
The school of healing in the form of pharmaceuticals and therapeutic solutions
Only then said her Higher Power, could he guide her further to the true sun
Finally, The Child Left Behind is no longer left behind; her voice has been found
No longer bound to a contract of indentured servitude to him; she’s free to be
The woman her Higher Power wants her to be; one who has and is sunlight
She now looks in the mirror; no longer darkness and shame; she sees she’s free
She has light to give to one and all; her moods are now as steady as the sea
Waves ebbing and flowing on the shore; her voice is proud, strong…and pure light
The links are to poems by arrianasloveinc “An Unworthy Servant” that I dearly loved and to “Broken But Never Defeated” by Tachira Wiltshire on her site Tachispeaks. Thank you, both for your words that inspired this piece.
Respecting Myself Through Words 